Romanoff
by HashtagLEH
Summary: She had gotten away from Russia so that she wouldn't have to be just another soldier doing as she was told. But with SHIELD, she had to wonder if she had really just changed who was the one giving the orders.


**It never made sense to me why Natasha would put in Tony's personality assessment what she did in Iron Man 2. She always seemed smarter to me than that. So, this idea came to me. Hope you like it!**

 **...**

Natasha remembered vividly when Clint brought her in to SHIELD. She'd been wary, but of course she hadn't let on this fact. She had regarded everyone with suspicion, because as much as Clint had assured her that she wouldn't be forced to be a soldier, that she could make her own choices now without fear of painful repercussions, she hadn't fully trusted that.

She had trusted _him_ , of course. She could tell when people were lying to her, and when he had told her that he meant her no harm, she had sensed no artifice in him. But she didn't trust that he could be as skilled as she was, so she didn't know if he had been tricked or brainwashed as she had been all her life.

SHIELD agents had given her a wide berth, distrusting of the Black Widow truly on their side. She had approved of the attitude, because it was a mark of a good spy. A few agents had taken her into their circle after some time – Clint had been there the whole time, along with Phil Coulson, their handler. Other agents to extend a hand in offer of friendship had been Maria Hill and Sharon Carter. But the one she always trusted the most was Clint Barton.

She'd changed her name soon after defecting to America. Natalia Alianova Romanova was every inch the loyal Russian, so she 'Americanized' her name as soon as she was able. Natasha was easy – the English form of her name – and with a certain degree of satisfaction she had switched her last name to Romanoff. It was close to her Russian name, but the 'off' at the end she had as a sort of 'fuck you' to her mother country. She wasn't big on symbolism, but it seemed fitting to bastardize the name and show that she was broken off from Russia. She didn't want to be their mindless soldier again.

Over the years of working with SHIELD, she began to see that Clint was right in those first days when he'd assured her that she wouldn't have to do anything against her morals, that she would have choices. She wouldn't have to mindlessly follow orders – especially kill orders – with the risk of a painful punishment if she disobeyed. Now, if she didn't want to do something for a morality reason, she would be reprimanded and put on paperwork duty for some length of time before they realized she was better put to use in the field.

So, she didn't regret coming to work for SHIELD. Clint even grew to trust _her_ enough that she got to meet his family – a family she hadn't discovered existed in all of her hacking on SHIELD's servers. Being allowed to hold a baby Lila while her mother dealt with Cooper in the other room was something that she never would have expected during her time as an assassin for the KGB. The amount of trust that Clint held for her was enormous, and she couldn't bring herself to reprimand him for the stupidity. She could only be grateful and touched as she was made an extension of the family, even becoming an honorary aunt as the kids grew older.

With Clint and Coulson's help, she finally began to erase some of the red in her ledger, doing good and helping people in a way that she agreed with.

But now…

She looked down at her field report. She wasn't sure she agreed with _this_. Fury wanted the Iron Man suit – or at least someone else inside of it. Fury didn't like how Tony Stark was a loose cannon, that he wouldn't follow orders. So he had asked her to put him down as not recommended for the Avenger Initiative, and before that, to goad him into doing stupid stunts.

 _Personality overview: Mr. Stark displays compulsive behavior, is prone to self-destructive tendencies, and shows textbook signs of narcissism._

That was all true – but only for the past couple of weeks. He'd been dying, and he hadn't thought that there was a way out. She couldn't fault him for his compulsive behavior over the past little bit, because even she knew that if she was only going to live for a little longer, she wouldn't care about appearances.

Because Stark _had_ changed since his time in Afghanistan. It was only over the past few weeks that he began his slow decline back to his former self. And her assessment of him could be changed with a few tweaked words – the main ones being 'display' and 'show'. Because that's all it was then was a show. He hadn't wanted people to mourn him when he died, so he put on the face of a narcissistic jackass without a care for anyone else. She could see how he would think it would push people away to not like him anymore. Rhodes had been the only one to see that something was truly wrong with the billionaire, and she suspected that that was more because Stark hadn't felt the need to hide it anymore. He'd given up.

 _Recruitment assessment for Avenger Initiative: Iron Man; yes. Tony Stark; not recommended._

She stared at the words on the paper, standing outside of Fury's office with Stark's file in hand. She knew that Stark would be a good candidate for the Avenger Initiative. Sure, he may not always follow the rules, even when he wasn't dying, but did they really need another soldier who would just follow orders? Stark had a way of seeing things that others didn't, and even if his favorite pastime was annoying people, he always came through to help people who really needed it. And wasn't that what the Avengers was supposed to be about – helping people?

Stark hid it behind a veneer of narcissism and waspish comments, but he _did_ actually want to help people. Why else would he have risked so much last year when he tore down his weapons building company and started something new? He could have lost everything, but after seeing what he did in Afghanistan and how his weapons were being used to hurt innocent people, he had dismissed all of that and tried to make himself better. He kept the Iron Man suits to himself exactly so that he could prevent what had just happened from happening, and people thought it was because he was greedy. The fact that Stark didn't correct them of this notion only showed that he cared more for keeping people safe than he did his own reputation.

Except that this report wouldn't really _hurt_ anyone. No one else other than Stark… But he would get over it. He had people saying these sorts of things to him all the time; surely he would shake it off like he always did. Perhaps he would let Rhodes control the suit – he'd done it before, and it was someone Fury would accept as well.

With a certain feeling of uneasiness in her gut, Natasha knocked on Fury's door before letting herself in. Fury looked up from a file he had just finished signing.

"Mr. Stark's personality assessment, sir," she said, setting it down on his desk.

"And you declared Stark not recommended?" he verified.

She nodded once. "Yes, sir. Perhaps Colonel Rhodes would be a viable option for both you and Stark to consider."

"I'll think about it," Fury accepted. "Good work, Agent Romanoff."

As Natasha closed the door behind her and walked down the hall, she had a sinking feeling in her gut. It just didn't feel right to put that down for Stark – if it was her own choice, she would recommend him.

But then again, she thought, perhaps she hadn't really changed from her time with the Russians after all. Perhaps she had only changed who was giving her the orders. Perhaps she was still just a soldier, after all.

 **...**

 **Thanks for reading - I always love to hear people's feedback on my work!**


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